Este texto está en inglés, pero aun así lo he querido poner porque es apabullantemente maravilloso.
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To live with a woman 24 hours is very mundane. But if you really love a woman you would like to know her reality, not her fiction. Because love can exist only with reality. And love is capable enough. Love is a tremendous strength. When you are 24 hours with a person, man or woman, you come to know all the defects, all that is good and all that is bad too. All that is beautiful and all that is ugly too. All that is like light raise and all that is like dark night. You come to know the whole person. Love is strong enough. To love the other knowing all the defects, limitations, fragilities that a human being is prone to. But the fictitious love is not strong enough. It can only love a woman on the movie screen, it can only love a woman in a novel, it can only love a woman in the poetry, it can only love a woman as a far, distant star, it can only love a woman which is not real. Love is a totally different dimension. It’s falling in love with reality. Yes, reality has defects, but those defects are challenges to growth. These defects are challenge to transcend it and when two persons are really in love they help each other to grow. They look into each other. They become mirrors to each other. They reflect each other. They help each other. They hold each other. In good times, in bad times. In moments of happiness, in moments of sadness, they are together. They are involved. That’s what involvement is all about. If I’m only with you when you are happy and I’m not with you when you are unhappy, this is not involvement, this is exploitation. If I’m only with you when you are flowing and I’m not with you when you are not flowing, then I’m not with you at all. Then I don’t love you, I love only myself and my pleasure. When you are pleasurable, good. When you are painful, I will throw you away. This is not love, this is not involvement, this is not commitment, this is not respect for the other person. It is easy to love somebody else by wife, because there you have to suffer the reality and here you enjoy the fiction. It is a very good division of labour. But this is inhuman. The human love is a great encounter. And love is only if growth happens out of it. Otherwise what type of love is this? Lovers are enhanced by each other, in every way. Lovers reach the higher peaks of happiness when they are together and they also reach the deepest depth of sadness when they are together. The range of happiness and sadness becomes worst. That’s what love is. Alone, if you cry and weep, your tears don’t have much depth. Have you watched it? Alone they are sallow. When you weep together with somebody then there is a depth. A new dimension to your tears. Alone you can laugh, but your laugher will be sallow. In fact it will be something insane. Only mad people laugh alone. When you laugh with somebody, there is a depth in it. Alone you can laugh but the laugher cannot go very deep. Together it goes to the very core of your being. Two persons together, together in all the climates, day and night, summer and winter, in all the moods, grow. The tree needs all the climates and all the seasons. Yes, it needs the burning hot summer and it needs the ice-cold winter. It needs the day light the sun bright on it and it needs the silent night so it can close to itself and go in a deeply sleep. It needs silent cheerful joyful days and it needs gloomy cloudy days too. It grows through all these dialectics. Love is a dialectics. Alone you cannot grow. Remember always that is you are in love, then don’t avoid commitment, don’t avoid involvement. Then go totally into it. Then don’t just stand on the periphery, ready to escape if things go to trouble some. And love is a sacrifice too. You have to sacrifice much your ego, you have to sacrifice your ambition, you have to sacrifice your privacy, you have to sacrifice your secrets, you have to sacrifice many things. So, just to be in a romantic love no needs sacrifice. But when there is no sacrifice then there is no growth. Love almost changes you as a new birth. You are never the same person again, as you were before love a woman, or love a man. You have passed through fire. You are purified. But courageous is needed.
Relationship means something complete, finished, closed. Love is never a relationship, love is relating. It is always a river, flowing, unending. Love knows no full point. The honeymoon begins but never ends. It is not a novel that starts at a certain point and ends at a certain point. It is an ongoing phenomenon. It is a continuous.
In a better world, with more meditative people, with a little more enlightment spread all over the earth, people will love, love immensely, but their love will remain a relating, not a relationship. And I’m not saying that their love will be only momentary. There is any possibility. Their love may go deeper than your love. If you enjoy be with somebody, you will enjoy to be more and more. If you enjoy the intimacy, you will like to enjoy the intimacy more and more. And there are few flowers of love which bloom only after long intimacies. There are seasonal flowers too. Within six weeks they are there in the sun, but within six weeks again they are gone forever. There are flowers which take years to come. And there are flowers which take many many years to come. The longer it takes, the deeper it goes. But it has to be a commitment from the heart to another heart.
The woman thinks she knows the man, the man thinks he knows the woman. Nobody knows either. It is impossible to know the other. Other remains a mystery. And to take the other for granted is insulting, disrespectful. To think that you know your wife is very very ungrateful. How can you know the woman? How can you know the man? They are processes, they are not things. The woman that you knew yesterday, she not anymore there. So much water has gone down the Ganges. See somebody else, totally different. Relate again! Start again! Don’t take it for granted! And the man with whom you have slept at night, look again at him in the morning, he not the same person. So much has changed. So much, incalculably much has changed. That is the difference between a thing and a person. The furniture in the room is the same, but the man, the woman, they are no more the same. Explore again! Start again! That’s what I mean by relating. Relating means: you are always starting! You are continuously trying to become acquainted. Again and again you are introducing yourself to each other. You are trying to see the so many faces of the other’s personality. You are trying to penetrate deeper and deeper into his inner feelings, into the deepest recedes of his being. Trying to unravel a mystery which can’t be unravelled. And that is the joy of love, the exploration of consciousness. And if you relate and don’t reduce into a relationship, then the other will become a mirror to you. Exploring him you will be exploring yourself too. Getting deeper into the other, knowing his feelings, his paths, his deeper steerings, you will know your deeper steerings too. Lovers become mirrors to each other and love becomes a meditation. […} You are more interested in strangers than in people you love. You know all the topography of their body, you know how they respond, you know everything it happened is going to happen again and again, as a repetitive circle. It is not so. It is not really so. Nothing never repeats. Everything every day is new. Just your eyes become old. Your mirror gathers dust and you become incapable of reflecting the other. By saying: “Relate!” I mean remain continuously on the honeymoon. Go on searching and seeking each other, finding new ways of loving each other. Finding news ways of being with each other.
The best koan is love, is relationship. A relationship is a puzzle with not solution. How could you be able to manage it? Nobody was never able to manage it. It is made in such a way hat it simply remains puzzly. The more you try to demystify, the more it becomes a mystery. The more you try to understand it, the more illusive it is. It is the greater koan than any koan that a zen master gave to his disciple, because their koans are meditative. One is alone. When I give you the koan of relationship is far more complicate, because you are two. Differently made, differently conditioned, polar opposite to each other, pulling in different directions, many pulling to each other, trying to dominate. There are thousand and one problems. While meditating the only problem is to be how to be silent, how not to be cut into parts. In relationship there are thousand and one problems. If you are silent there is problem. Just sit silent by the side of your wife and you will see. She will jump upon you: “Why are you silent? What do you mean?” Or speak and you will be in problems. Whatever you speak you will be misunderstood. No relationship can ever come to a point when there is not a problem. Or if you have seen a relationship coming to a point when there was not a problem, this simply means that there is not relationship anymore. The relationship has disappeared. The fighters are died. They have started accepting things as they are. They are bored; they don’t want to fight anymore. They have accepted it. They don’t want improve upon it. […]Relationship is a koan and unless you have solved the more fundamental things about yourself, you cannot solve it. The problem of love can be solved only when the problem of meditation has been solved. Not before. Because it is really two no meditative persons that are creating the problem. Two persons who are in confusion. Who don’t know who they are. Naturally they multiply each other confusion, they magnify it. Unless meditation is achieved, love remains a misery. Once you have learnt how to live alone, once you have learnt how enjoy of yourself, for no reason at all, then there is a possibility to solve the second more complicate problem of two persons being together. Only two meditators can live in love and love won’t be a koan. But then there will not be a relationship, either in the sense that you understand it. It will be simply a state of love, not a state of relationship. But I tell to people to go into these troubles, because these troubles will make you aware of the fundamental problem that you deep inside your being are a riddle and other simply is a mirror. It is difficult to know your own troubles directly, it is very easy to know them in a relationship. Mirror becomes available. You can see your face in the mirror. And other can see his face in your mirror. And both are angry, because both see ugly faces. And naturally both out of each other, because logical is that it’s you, the mirror, that makes me ugly, otherwise I’m such a beautiful person. That’s what is the problem that the lovers go on trying to solve and they cannot solve. What they are saying again and again is that I’m such a beautiful person, but you make me look so ugly. Nobody is making you look ugly, you are ugly! Be thankful to the other, be grateful to the other, because he’s helping you to see your face. Don’t be angry. And go deeper into yourself. Go deeper into meditation. But what happens, whenever a person is in love, he forgets meditation. Love is not going to solve anything. Love is only going to show who you are, and where you are. And it is good that love makes you alert. Alert of all confusion and chaos within you. Now is the time for meditating. If love and meditation go together, you will have both wings, you will have a balance. And also happens that when a person start to move deeper in meditation then avoid love, because he thinks love will disturbs meditation. That too is wrong. Meditation will not be disturbed. Meditation will be helped, because love will go in you, where the problems are still there. Without love you will be unconscious about problems. Unconscious does not mean that you have solved them. If there is not mirror it doesn’t mean that you have not any face. Love and meditation should go hand in hand and slowly you will see a new harmony arising in you.
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To live with a woman 24 hours is very mundane. But if you really love a woman you would like to know her reality, not her fiction. Because love can exist only with reality. And love is capable enough. Love is a tremendous strength. When you are 24 hours with a person, man or woman, you come to know all the defects, all that is good and all that is bad too. All that is beautiful and all that is ugly too. All that is like light raise and all that is like dark night. You come to know the whole person. Love is strong enough. To love the other knowing all the defects, limitations, fragilities that a human being is prone to. But the fictitious love is not strong enough. It can only love a woman on the movie screen, it can only love a woman in a novel, it can only love a woman in the poetry, it can only love a woman as a far, distant star, it can only love a woman which is not real. Love is a totally different dimension. It’s falling in love with reality. Yes, reality has defects, but those defects are challenges to growth. These defects are challenge to transcend it and when two persons are really in love they help each other to grow. They look into each other. They become mirrors to each other. They reflect each other. They help each other. They hold each other. In good times, in bad times. In moments of happiness, in moments of sadness, they are together. They are involved. That’s what involvement is all about. If I’m only with you when you are happy and I’m not with you when you are unhappy, this is not involvement, this is exploitation. If I’m only with you when you are flowing and I’m not with you when you are not flowing, then I’m not with you at all. Then I don’t love you, I love only myself and my pleasure. When you are pleasurable, good. When you are painful, I will throw you away. This is not love, this is not involvement, this is not commitment, this is not respect for the other person. It is easy to love somebody else by wife, because there you have to suffer the reality and here you enjoy the fiction. It is a very good division of labour. But this is inhuman. The human love is a great encounter. And love is only if growth happens out of it. Otherwise what type of love is this? Lovers are enhanced by each other, in every way. Lovers reach the higher peaks of happiness when they are together and they also reach the deepest depth of sadness when they are together. The range of happiness and sadness becomes worst. That’s what love is. Alone, if you cry and weep, your tears don’t have much depth. Have you watched it? Alone they are sallow. When you weep together with somebody then there is a depth. A new dimension to your tears. Alone you can laugh, but your laugher will be sallow. In fact it will be something insane. Only mad people laugh alone. When you laugh with somebody, there is a depth in it. Alone you can laugh but the laugher cannot go very deep. Together it goes to the very core of your being. Two persons together, together in all the climates, day and night, summer and winter, in all the moods, grow. The tree needs all the climates and all the seasons. Yes, it needs the burning hot summer and it needs the ice-cold winter. It needs the day light the sun bright on it and it needs the silent night so it can close to itself and go in a deeply sleep. It needs silent cheerful joyful days and it needs gloomy cloudy days too. It grows through all these dialectics. Love is a dialectics. Alone you cannot grow. Remember always that is you are in love, then don’t avoid commitment, don’t avoid involvement. Then go totally into it. Then don’t just stand on the periphery, ready to escape if things go to trouble some. And love is a sacrifice too. You have to sacrifice much your ego, you have to sacrifice your ambition, you have to sacrifice your privacy, you have to sacrifice your secrets, you have to sacrifice many things. So, just to be in a romantic love no needs sacrifice. But when there is no sacrifice then there is no growth. Love almost changes you as a new birth. You are never the same person again, as you were before love a woman, or love a man. You have passed through fire. You are purified. But courageous is needed.
Relationship means something complete, finished, closed. Love is never a relationship, love is relating. It is always a river, flowing, unending. Love knows no full point. The honeymoon begins but never ends. It is not a novel that starts at a certain point and ends at a certain point. It is an ongoing phenomenon. It is a continuous.
In a better world, with more meditative people, with a little more enlightment spread all over the earth, people will love, love immensely, but their love will remain a relating, not a relationship. And I’m not saying that their love will be only momentary. There is any possibility. Their love may go deeper than your love. If you enjoy be with somebody, you will enjoy to be more and more. If you enjoy the intimacy, you will like to enjoy the intimacy more and more. And there are few flowers of love which bloom only after long intimacies. There are seasonal flowers too. Within six weeks they are there in the sun, but within six weeks again they are gone forever. There are flowers which take years to come. And there are flowers which take many many years to come. The longer it takes, the deeper it goes. But it has to be a commitment from the heart to another heart.
The woman thinks she knows the man, the man thinks he knows the woman. Nobody knows either. It is impossible to know the other. Other remains a mystery. And to take the other for granted is insulting, disrespectful. To think that you know your wife is very very ungrateful. How can you know the woman? How can you know the man? They are processes, they are not things. The woman that you knew yesterday, she not anymore there. So much water has gone down the Ganges. See somebody else, totally different. Relate again! Start again! Don’t take it for granted! And the man with whom you have slept at night, look again at him in the morning, he not the same person. So much has changed. So much, incalculably much has changed. That is the difference between a thing and a person. The furniture in the room is the same, but the man, the woman, they are no more the same. Explore again! Start again! That’s what I mean by relating. Relating means: you are always starting! You are continuously trying to become acquainted. Again and again you are introducing yourself to each other. You are trying to see the so many faces of the other’s personality. You are trying to penetrate deeper and deeper into his inner feelings, into the deepest recedes of his being. Trying to unravel a mystery which can’t be unravelled. And that is the joy of love, the exploration of consciousness. And if you relate and don’t reduce into a relationship, then the other will become a mirror to you. Exploring him you will be exploring yourself too. Getting deeper into the other, knowing his feelings, his paths, his deeper steerings, you will know your deeper steerings too. Lovers become mirrors to each other and love becomes a meditation. […} You are more interested in strangers than in people you love. You know all the topography of their body, you know how they respond, you know everything it happened is going to happen again and again, as a repetitive circle. It is not so. It is not really so. Nothing never repeats. Everything every day is new. Just your eyes become old. Your mirror gathers dust and you become incapable of reflecting the other. By saying: “Relate!” I mean remain continuously on the honeymoon. Go on searching and seeking each other, finding new ways of loving each other. Finding news ways of being with each other.
The best koan is love, is relationship. A relationship is a puzzle with not solution. How could you be able to manage it? Nobody was never able to manage it. It is made in such a way hat it simply remains puzzly. The more you try to demystify, the more it becomes a mystery. The more you try to understand it, the more illusive it is. It is the greater koan than any koan that a zen master gave to his disciple, because their koans are meditative. One is alone. When I give you the koan of relationship is far more complicate, because you are two. Differently made, differently conditioned, polar opposite to each other, pulling in different directions, many pulling to each other, trying to dominate. There are thousand and one problems. While meditating the only problem is to be how to be silent, how not to be cut into parts. In relationship there are thousand and one problems. If you are silent there is problem. Just sit silent by the side of your wife and you will see. She will jump upon you: “Why are you silent? What do you mean?” Or speak and you will be in problems. Whatever you speak you will be misunderstood. No relationship can ever come to a point when there is not a problem. Or if you have seen a relationship coming to a point when there was not a problem, this simply means that there is not relationship anymore. The relationship has disappeared. The fighters are died. They have started accepting things as they are. They are bored; they don’t want to fight anymore. They have accepted it. They don’t want improve upon it. […]Relationship is a koan and unless you have solved the more fundamental things about yourself, you cannot solve it. The problem of love can be solved only when the problem of meditation has been solved. Not before. Because it is really two no meditative persons that are creating the problem. Two persons who are in confusion. Who don’t know who they are. Naturally they multiply each other confusion, they magnify it. Unless meditation is achieved, love remains a misery. Once you have learnt how to live alone, once you have learnt how enjoy of yourself, for no reason at all, then there is a possibility to solve the second more complicate problem of two persons being together. Only two meditators can live in love and love won’t be a koan. But then there will not be a relationship, either in the sense that you understand it. It will be simply a state of love, not a state of relationship. But I tell to people to go into these troubles, because these troubles will make you aware of the fundamental problem that you deep inside your being are a riddle and other simply is a mirror. It is difficult to know your own troubles directly, it is very easy to know them in a relationship. Mirror becomes available. You can see your face in the mirror. And other can see his face in your mirror. And both are angry, because both see ugly faces. And naturally both out of each other, because logical is that it’s you, the mirror, that makes me ugly, otherwise I’m such a beautiful person. That’s what is the problem that the lovers go on trying to solve and they cannot solve. What they are saying again and again is that I’m such a beautiful person, but you make me look so ugly. Nobody is making you look ugly, you are ugly! Be thankful to the other, be grateful to the other, because he’s helping you to see your face. Don’t be angry. And go deeper into yourself. Go deeper into meditation. But what happens, whenever a person is in love, he forgets meditation. Love is not going to solve anything. Love is only going to show who you are, and where you are. And it is good that love makes you alert. Alert of all confusion and chaos within you. Now is the time for meditating. If love and meditation go together, you will have both wings, you will have a balance. And also happens that when a person start to move deeper in meditation then avoid love, because he thinks love will disturbs meditation. That too is wrong. Meditation will not be disturbed. Meditation will be helped, because love will go in you, where the problems are still there. Without love you will be unconscious about problems. Unconscious does not mean that you have solved them. If there is not mirror it doesn’t mean that you have not any face. Love and meditation should go hand in hand and slowly you will see a new harmony arising in you.
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